From IVF to Love: How My Fertility Journey Relates to Your Search for 'The One

Alright, sis, let me break this down for you and bring you into my story.

I know you’re thinking, “Shani, what does your baby journey have to do with me getting excited about finding my man?” But listen, it's got more to do with it than you think!

The Beginning of Our Baby Journey Ben and I started trying for a baby in August 2018. We were on this beautiful trip to Aruba, and girl, we were SO excited. I remember buying all these ovulation sticks and tracking every single thing. I was peeing on those sticks like it was a full-time job, praying for that positive sign. I was ready, honey, and our families were ready, too. Our moms were already hyped, asking, “Are you making our grandbabies yet?”

That was six years ago, and our mamas still ask, “So, when are those babies coming?”

It’s been a long journey, sis. And I know what it’s like to hold on to hope, even when it feels like forever—just like you, still waiting on your promise, believing in your love story, even when it hasn’t happened yet.

But let me tell you something about life, sis—it rarely goes exactly how you think.

We’ve had moments where we said, “Let’s just live our best lives and let it be.” We went through hard times in our marriage and thought, “Maybe now isn’t the time.” We hired fertility support (the best decision ever, by the way) and focused on our health. We’re still in the trenches, actively working on this IVF journey.

-We've been doing the work

-We've been fasting and praying

-We've been following all the rules, and our faith has been grounded

It’s devastating when you’re doing all the right things, but the promise seems to be slipping further away.

Then came September of this year. We were ready. We transferred one of our beautiful embryos, and sis, I was on cloud nine. We told everybody! I just knew this was it. I had done the work, prayed, fasted, and followed the process. I was so confident—why wouldn’t it work?

The Heartbreak of Loss The embryo transfer happened on September 16th, and from that moment, my life changed. Ben and I prayed every single day. We talked to that little embryo, like it was already here, living in us. I remember us going to the park, reading baby books, and dreaming about what was coming.

On September 24th, the pregnancy test results came in. I was shaking with excitement...and then my entire world shifted again: "Not Pregnant."

Sis, I can’t even describe the pain. My faith wavered... How could this happen? We did everything right.

I was devastated. We were devastated. I couldn’t talk about it for days without crying. It felt like all the hope and joy just drained out of me. I was hurt, angry, and confused—just like when you think you've met the one, only to realize that a relationship wasn’t the answer.

But here’s the thing: God's promise doesn’t fail. He’s still faithful, and just like I had to pick myself up, sis, you can do the same in your love life.

Reigniting Your Dating Spark in 2024 Here’s how my journey connects to yours and how we’re both going to keep moving forward:

1. Reflection and JournalingI: I took time to journal my pain, feelings, and hopes. You can do the same. Reflect on your past dating experiences—what could you have done differently? What do you need to give to God? What’s out of your control?

   
   

2. Let Go and Give It to God: I had to give God my plan, timeline, and everything. In your love journey, it’s the same. Release the pressure and control. You can’t do it all on your own.

   
   

3. Permission to Love on Yourself: I’m permitting myself to love on me and my husband this month before we jump into the next round. You need to do the same. Love on YOU, sis. Focus on self-care and joy while preparing for the next chapter.

   
   

4. Seek Guidance and Support: I reached out to my fertility nutritionist, leaned on my friends, and surrounded myself with those who have my best interests at heart. In dating, don’t go through it alone. Talk to friends who get it, work with a coach, and make sure you have a solid support system. You don’t have to carry the load by yourself.

   
   

5. Stay Hopeful and Believe: I’m not giving up. I know my baby and your love story are coming, too. Keep praying, keep working on yourself, and stay ready for what God has for you.

   
   

What Steps Will You Take? What are you going to do this week to reignite your spark? You’ve got the power to make these last months of 2024 meaningful. Reflect, reset, and prepare for what’s next. And remember, you’re not alone.

Set up a Discovery Call with me if you need help strategizing or want to discuss your love journey. This isn’t just any conversation—this is your opportunity to receive expert guidance and actionable insights from a dating coach who understands your perspective.

Let’s walk this journey together.

Your time is coming, sis. Keep going. Stay ready. Trust the process.

P.S. What resonated with you the most? I’d love to hear your thoughts and help you take the next step in your journey!